According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Rising Music Sensation Nell Smith Passes Away at Just 17 After Collaborating with The Flaming Lips
The death of young musician Nell Smith has left a deep impact on both the music world and the public. At just 17, Nell passed away on Saturday night, October 5, in British Columbia. Along with her family, many well-known musicians have expressed their sadness and shock over her sudden death.
Nell was about to release her first solo album next year. The album, which she recorded in Brighton, was going to be released by Bella Union, an independent record label. Despite her young age, she had already achieved a lot in her music career. Her passing happened just as her career was set to soar.
Simon Raymonde, co-owner of Bella Union and the producer of Nell’s upcoming album, shared his grief on Instagram. He posted photos of Nell, along with a heartfelt message. The photos were given to him by Nell’s family and musician Warren Ellis. One of the images showed Nell and her brother, Ike, in a tender family moment. Another picture showed Nell standing on a beach, deep in thought, with her guitar. Simon mentioned this was taken when she wrote one of her first songs on Vancouver Island.
There were also photos of Nell with The Flaming Lips’ lead singer, Wayne Coyne, who she had collaborated with on a project in 2021. Another image captured the moment Nell saw her blue vinyl record “Where The Viaduct Looms” for the first time, her smile showing how proud she was of her work.
Simon’s last photo showed Nell and Warren Ellis sharing a close moment, with Nell wrapping her arms around the musician. Warren held what looked like Nell’s mixtape, a symbol of her early passion for music.
In his post, Simon expressed that, out of respect for Nell’s family, he couldn’t share more details at the time. He spoke about her talent and the incredible things she had already accomplished as a young artist.
Nell’s family also shared their sadness on Instagram. They posted a series of photos, remembering special moments they had shared with Nell. Alongside the photos, they wrote a heartfelt message: “Our feisty, talented, unique, beautiful daughter was taken from us too soon. We are heartbroken and don’t know what to do or say.” They added that while Nell had so much more to give to the world, they were thankful for all she had experienced in her 17 years. Her family asked for privacy as they dealt with the tragedy, signing off with their names: Jude, Rachel, Jed, and Ike.
Music producer Howard Redekopp, who had worked with Nell on her upcoming album, also shared a tribute on social media. Posting photos of the two of them, Howard wrote about how much he valued the time they spent together, even though it was brief. He praised Nell as a rare and extraordinary talent, and shared how heartbroken he was that she wouldn’t be able to see the lasting influence her music would have. He ended his post by sending love to Nell’s family and friends.
Musician Micah Nelson, son of the legendary Willie Nelson, also paid tribute to Nell on Instagram. He shared images of the two of them playing music together and wrote about the tragedy of her passing. He described Nell as a bright and talented person, full of promise, and shared his sympathy with her family.
Fans have also reacted strongly to the news of Nell’s passing. One fan, posting on Threads, shared a photo from a recent Flaming Lips concert in Portland where the band’s lead singer Wayne Coyne had announced her death. The fan mentioned that Nell had died in a car accident.
A video clip from the concert showed Wayne Coyne breaking the sad news to the audience. He spoke emotionally about his relationship with Nell and their work together on the album “Where The Viaduct Looms.” Wayne struggled to hold back tears as he told the crowd that Nell had died the night before. The audience responded with cheers of love and support, as Wayne reflected on the importance of music and the people we love.
Nell’s connection with The Flaming Lips began in 2018 when she attended one of their concerts. She managed to get a letter to the band on their tour bus, which caught Wayne’s attention. From there, he stayed in contact with Nell’s parents as she began learning to play guitar. By the time she was 11, Nell was performing live, writing her own music, and playing alongside other well-known artists.
Rest in peace, Nell. Our thoughts are with her family, friends, and everyone who knew and loved her during this difficult time.
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