When we reach the age of 20, our preoccupation lies in the thoughts others have about us. By the time we turn 40, we no longer concern ourselves with their opinions. And as we reach 60, we come to realize that they haven’t been contemplating us at all.
The statement about age’s significance was not originally attributed to Ann Landers.
In March, we disproved a Facebook post that falsely attributed the quote to Winston, which stated: “At 20, you’re concerned about others’ opinions; at 40, you stop caring about what others think; at 60, you realize no one ever thought about you at all.”
If we advance seven months, we encounter an almost identical post, except this time the statement is credited to the deceased advice columnist Ann Landers.
The post titled “Aging Gracefully” starts with the statement, “In our twenties, we are concerned about the opinions of others. By the time we reach our forties, we no longer bother about what they think. And when we turn sixty, we realize that they haven’t been giving us any thought at all.”
The day after my fiancé disappeared from our wedding, I spotted him signing documents in my father’s office
I knew how much my fiancé loved me until he didn’t show up at the altar on our wedding day. A day later, I saw him signing papers in my father’s office without me knowing what it was about.
Brian and I visited our favorite fine-dining restaurant on the night of our sixth anniversary as a couple. He seemed very nervous, and I kept wondering why. “What’s wrong, Brian? Are you alright?” I asked him as he shifted in his seat a couple of times while looking behind me.
He nodded and tried his best to smile. “Yeah, of course, I’m okay,” he assured me. “It’s our anniversary and I couldn’t be happier.”
I smiled at his answer and proceeded to look at the menu. I had memorized the menu from all the times we’d been at the restaurant, but I still looked look over it for old time’s sake. By the time I looked up from the menu, I got the surprise of my life.
Brian was on one knee, and there was a group of musicians behind him, playing soft, romantic music with their violins. “Jane, honey. We’ve been together for six years now, and I’m more than certain that I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Brian declared. “Would you do me the honor of being my wife?” he asked.
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands. “Of course, yes!” I said, jumping from my seat to give Brian a hug. I looked at the beautiful solitaire ring that Brian slipped on my finger and realized how long it would have taken him to save up for something so big and beautiful.
The following day, I went to visit my parents to let them know that Brian had proposed. My mom was delighted for me and gave me a big hug. However, my dad’s reaction was another story.
“You can’t possibly be happy marrying that man, Jane,” he told me. “What will become of you and your children? Will he even afford to buy you a house? To put your kids through private school?” he started to ask.
“Dad, how could you say that? Brian works hard, and I’m working too. We’ll figure it out together as every married couple does!” I shot back.
“How long did it take him to save up for that ring, anyway? As if that’s supposed to convince me that he can take care of you. If I were you, I’d give that ring back and call the wedding off. It’s not too late, Jane. There are many wealthy bachelors I can introduce you to – men that I can actually entrust my daughter and the future of my business with,” he told me.
I scoffed in disbelief, knowing all my dad ever cared about was money. I shook my head and left the house before I could say anything I’d regret.
Brian and I planned our wedding alone, with subtle help from my mom. Three months of preparation passed, and it was finally time for the big day.
Before the ceremony, Brian couldn’t find his sister and his niece. “Where are they?” he asked his mother. Reluctantly, Brian’s mom revealed that his niece Maxine had to be taken to the hospital for an emergency operation on her heart problem.
“Your sister’s been trying to find people she can borrow money from,” his mom told him. “The hospital won’t start on the operation unless they give a downpayment, but Maxine just doesn’t have that much time left. They need to start the operation as soon as they can.”
Without a second thought, Brian decided to approach my dad to ask for help. “Sir, I know this is going to sound bad, but I was wondering if you could lend me money for my niece’s operation. I had just spent most of what’s in my account on the wedding,” Brian admitted.
I decided to have a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop when I suddenly saw Brian looking around the area before entering my dad’s office building.
“I promise, I will pay you back in a month. I just need to get through the month before I get my paycheck,” he asked.
My father shook his head. “I knew you were up to no good,” he scoffed. “But yes, I will help you, on one condition,” he told Brian.
“What is it, sir? I’ll do anything,” Brian said without hesitation.
“You don’t need to pay me back for the money, but you need to disappear from Jane’s life. Run away, and never come back,” he declared.
Brian’s heart twitched upon hearing about my father’s condition. However, he remembered what his mom said about Maxine not having much time left, so he reluctantly agreed. It was his only chance to save his niece’s life.
A couple of minutes later, I was at the altar, weeping. Brian didn’t show up to the wedding, and everyone was trying to console me. “What happened? We were okay yesterday,” I cried. “Where did he go?” I kept asking, after hearing from guests that Brian was at the church earlier that morning.
The following day, my dad asked to meet me at his office. I was supposed to meet him in an hour and a half, but I arrived early.
I decided to have a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop when I suddenly saw Brian looking around the area before entering my dad’s office building. “What is he doing here?” I asked myself before deciding to follow him.
By the time I got the bill at the coffee shop, Brian had already entered the elevator. I had a feeling that he was on the way to my dad’s office, so I hurried up the next elevator to see what it was all about.
When I arrived, I saw Brian, my dad, and my dad’s lawyer in the same room. Because the glass windows were soundproof, I could not hear what they were talking about. Instead, I watched my dad’s lawyer hand Brian some papers, which he signed before shaking hands with the other men in the room.
I couldn’t stop myself from barging in at that point. “What is this?! What are those papers and why are you here?!” I yelled.
My dad had a smug look on his face as if telling me he knew this would happen all along. “Your groom here just agreed not to see you ever again in exchange for money,” he told me.
I looked at Brian with the most painful look of betrayal. “Is that true?” I said, trying not to choke from the tightening in my throat that came after hearing what my dad had said.
“I’m sorry, Jane. It’s Maxine. She’s dying, and she needs an expensive operation to save her life,” Brian cried. “Yesterday, I asked your dad for help, and he said he’d help me if I didn’t attend the wedding. I’m sorry, Jane. I can’t bear losing my niece,” he sobbed.
“He just signed the agreement that he would never show up in your life ever again. If you hadn’t shown up, the papers stated that he would not be allowed to tell you the truth, either. But now that you’re here, I guess it’s better for you to know that he replaced your relationship for money,” my dad said, slamming the papers on the table.
“How could you do this to me?!” I yelled at my dad. “My life is not some toy you can just play with! You ruined my relationship, and you ruined what was supposed to be the best day of my life!” I cried.
“What kind of father are you?! I never want to see you again,” I said before leaving his office.
I could feel my knees grow weak, and before I could even reach the elevator, I collapsed on the floor, crying. “Why?” I cried to nobody in particular. It was then that I felt Brian’s arms wrap around me.
“I’m sorry, Jane,” he cried. “I love you with all my heart, but I also couldn’t allow Maxine to die. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“You are the kindest, most selfless man I know,” I told Brian. “I know you only meant well. But I hope you had told me instead of going to my dad. That way, we still could have continued our wedding, and we could have helped Maxine together.”
Brian nodded and sighed upon realizing his mistake. “I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t at the church yet, and your dad was the first one I saw when I heard the news. I’m sorry, Jane,” he apologized to me.
“I understand if you never want to see me again, but I wish you could give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you. I really do, Jane,” he tried to assure me.
“I know you do, Brian, and I love you just as much,” I replied.
That day, we decided to talk about our lives and what we could do moving forward. We visited Maxine at the hospital and paid for the surgery after getting refunds from our wedding suppliers. Maxine successfully underwent surgery, and she once again became the lively, loving girl we all once knew.
Three months passed, and Brian and I decided to start a new life together. We moved to a different city to start fresh, and I decided to cut my dad out of my life for good.
“I hope you understand why I had to do this, mom,” I said when I told my mom my decision of keeping away from dad. “It’s for my own good. He was too toxic for me, and I just couldn’t take it.”
It pained my mom to hear this, but she completely understood where I was coming from. “I will always be here for you, dear,” she assured me. “Please visit me, and always keep in touch. I can’t bear not seeing you for a long time.”
With my mom’s blessing, Brian and I got married in a simple celebration. Only my mom, his parents, a few of our close friends, and his sister and niece were in attendance.
Before leaving town, Brian and I mailed the check my dad had issued back to him. Since then, I never heard from him again. After quitting my job at the family company, he blocked my credit cards and any chance of receiving an inheritance.
With the money I had saved up for years and with Brian’s, too, we were able to buy a small house in the suburbs. I got a job at another company, and together, we worked hard to raise our three children in a loving environment.
What can we learn from this story?
Never let money get in the way of your relationship. Jane’s dad thought getting Brian away from her would be as simple as giving her money. However, when Jane found out the truth about what her dad did, she was angrier with him than with Brian, as she knew Brian was in a difficult situation that left him with no choice but to agree to her dad’s wishes.
Always be honest with your spouse and work through life’s challenges together. When Jane found out the truth, all she wanted was for Brian to have told her the truth, to begin with. That way, they could have avoided what happened at the wedding and continued on. Ultimately, they were able to work through their issues and work together to save Maxine and start a new life together without her dad in the picture.
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