The morning sun, usually a welcome sight, cast harsh shadows on the woman standing on my porch, her face a mask of indignation. Mrs. Gable, Grandma’s “entitled neighbor,” as she so lovingly referred to her, was a force of nature, and not a particularly pleasant one.
“How long am I supposed to wait for my share of the will?!” she demanded, her voice a grating rasp that could curdle milk. “My grandkids are coming over, and I want them to take their part of the inheritance before they leave!”
I blinked, trying to process the sheer audacity of her statement. “Mrs. Gable,” I said, my voice calm despite the rising tide of annoyance, “Grandma’s will… it doesn’t mention you.”
Her eyes widened, then narrowed into slits. “Nonsense! We were like family! She wouldn’t leave me out.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, “but everything in the house now belongs to me.”
I offered a small concession. “I’ve packed some boxes for donation. You’re welcome to look through them, see if there’s anything you want.”
“Donation boxes?!” she shrieked. “Your grandma was like family to us! We had to be mentioned in the will. Give it to me! I have to see for myself.”
“I can’t do that,” I said, my patience wearing thin. “The will is a legal document.”
She planted her feet, a stubborn look on her face. “Then I’m not leaving. I’ll just stand here until you give me what’s mine.” She proceeded to stand directly in front of my porch, peering into my windows and muttering under her breath.
I sighed. This was getting ridiculous. I needed to give this woman a reality check, a gentle but firm reminder that she wasn’t entitled to anything.
I went inside, grabbed a pen and a scrap of paper, and returned to the porch. Mrs. Gable watched me, her eyes filled with suspicion.
“What’s that?” she asked, her voice laced with distrust.
“I’m writing you a bill,” I said, my voice deliberately casual.
“A bill? For what?”
“For services rendered,” I said, scribbling on the paper. “Let’s see… ‘Consultation regarding inheritance, one hour… $100.'”
Mrs. Gable’s face turned a shade of purple I didn’t think possible. “Are you serious?!”
“Perfectly,” I said, adding another line. “‘Unauthorized surveillance of private property, one hour… $50.'”
“That’s outrageous!” she sputtered.
“And,” I continued, adding a final line, “‘Emotional distress caused by unwarranted demands, one hour… $150.'” I handed her the paper. “That’ll be $300, Mrs. Gable.”
She snatched the paper from my hand, her eyes scanning the ludicrous list. “You can’t do this!”
“Actually, I can,” I said, a smile playing on my lips. “And if you don’t pay, I’ll have to add late fees.”
She crumpled the paper in her fist, her face a mask of fury. “You’re just like your grandma!” she hissed. “Entitled and selfish!”
“Perhaps,” I said, “but I’m also practical. And I value my peace of mind.”
She glared at me for a moment, then turned and stomped off the porch, muttering about lawyers and lawsuits. I watched her go, a sense of satisfaction washing over me.
Later that day, as I sorted through Grandma’s belongings, I found a small, velvet-lined box tucked away in a drawer. Inside was a handwritten note, addressed to me.
“My dearest grandchild,” it read, “I know Mrs. Gable can be… persistent. Remember, you owe no one anything. Your happiness is your own. And sometimes, a little bit of absurdity is the best way to deal with entitlement.”
I smiled, a warm feeling spreading through my chest. Grandma had known exactly what to do. And she had left me the perfect tool to handle it. I had learned a valuable lesson that day: sometimes, the best way to deal with entitled people is to meet their absurdity with your own. And a little bit of humor never hurts.
If you see a coin stuck in your car door handle, you’d better call the police
Ever stumbled upon a penny wedged into your car door handle? That peculiar sensation sparks a cascade of questions: Is it a random quirk of fate or a sign with hidden significance? Well, buckle up because we’re about to unveil a cunning countermeasure against those pesky car prowlers. Get ready to fortify your vehicle against the unexpected!
Crafty car thieves deploy a simple yet effective tactic: slipping small coins into door handles, often targeting the passenger’s side. But why the passenger side, you ask? Well, ponder this: have you ever wondered about that seemingly innocuous door button on the passenger’s side? Here’s the twist, when attempting to lock your car using the central locking system, your key suddenly refuses to cooperate. Why, you inquire? That seemingly harmless penny has metamorphosed into a formidable obstacle lodged within the passenger door, rendering your attempts to secure your vehicle futile.
Now, let’s inject a dash of intrigue into the equation. These car pilferers aren’t mere opportunists; they harbor darker intentions. Picture this: the thief lurking nearby, concealed within the shadows, eagerly awaiting your moment of frustration or distraction as you grapple with your uncooperative key. But fear not, for we’re here to arm you with some invaluable DIY techniques to thwart these would-be car thieves:
Covert inspection: Assume the role of a clandestine agent and scrutinize the passenger door handle. If your key fails to yield results, investigate for any foreign objects, like that devious penny, that may be obstructing the mechanism.
Heightened vigilance: Sharpen your DIY prowess and remain vigilant of your surroundings. Trust your instincts; if something feels amiss, seek assistance or alert a bystander. Strength lies in solidarity, especially when safeguarding your vehicle.
Patience is key: Resist the urge to hastily return to your car if the door remains steadfastly sealed. Instead, seek refuge in a well-lit area teeming with bystanders and solicit aid. Opportunistic thieves thrive on moments of distraction or vulnerability.
Enlist law enforcement: Should you detect signs of tampering or suspect foul play, promptly enlist the aid of law enforcement. They possess the expertise to navigate such situations and ensure your safety.
Bolster your defenses: Enhance your vehicle’s security by implementing DIY anti-theft measures. Theft-deterrent systems and robust steering wheel locks serve as deterrents, dissuading potential thieves and safeguarding your prized possession.
Armed with these savvy strategies, you’re well-equipped to outsmart even the most cunning of car thieves. So, fortify your ride, stay vigilant, and thwart their nefarious schemes at every turn!
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