A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My wife disowned her parents after our son’s birth – 15 years later, she told me the shocking truth
There are times in life when we are at our best, but in the next moment things take an unlike turn no can ever predict.
The story a man named Henry shared resembles a movie plot. The shocking turn of events changed his family forever in ways he could never expect.
As he explained in his post, following the birth of their son, his wife Candice decided to cut ties with her parents. Although he could never understand the reasons behind this drastic decision, he decided to respect her wishes.
However, over time, he felt torn between his wife and his in-laws who loved their grandson Lucas very much. They always showered him with gifts and attention, and this made it even more difficult for him to understand why his wife got estranged from her parents who seemed to be the perfect grandparents.
Intrigued, he decided to learn the truth no matter the cost.
One day, he confronted his wife and asked her why she didn’t want to see her parents. It was unacceptable that she cut all ties with them all of a sudden. Candice refused to speak about it, but Henry was determined and he even threatened to leave her if she didn’t tell him the truth.
At that moment, Candice broke down in tears and it felt like her entire world collapsed. What she had to stay left Henry in a state of shock. He couldn’t even move as he tried to process his wife’s words.
Candice revealed to him that her parents, who were rich and influential people, wanted a grandson whom they would leave their inheritance to, so when Candice gave birth to a baby girl, they forced one of the nurses at the hospital to switch the girl with a baby boy.
Realizing that Lucas wasn’t their biological son shattered Henry’s heart into a million pieces. At the same time, he wondered where his biological child was and what happened to her.
He couldn’t believe that Candice lived with that secret for so long.
Candice told him that the nurse who helped do the crime regretted her decision and wanted to reveal the truth, but her parents got her fired. All she could do was leave a handwritten note revealing the dark secret.
The next step was finding their daughter, Darcy. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but they eventually tracked the child down and reunited with her. Sadly, the process of taking her back had been a complex one and required plenty of time and long legal battles.
Henry and Candice shared the truth with Lucas and Darcy and both of them accepted it pretty well. The two siblings get along and support each other, and Lucas shows resilience and gratitude for being part of a unique story.
As of Candice’s parents, the family decided not to be close with them as they once were.
Candice had carried the burden of the secret for too long, but she only did that for Lucas.
This truly is an extraordinary story, don’t you think so?
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