Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Mom with Baby Is Kicked Out of Home by Mother-In-Law, Sees Her Digging through Trash Years Later — Story of the Day
A controlling woman kicks her daughter-in-law out of the house with her newborn child, only to find herself in appalling conditions years later.
Abbie and Jonathan were married for three years when they welcomed their son, Timothy. They lived in Austin, Texas, with Jonathan’s mother, Susan, who wasn’t the worst by all accounts but wasn’t the best either.
Susan’s problem was that she wanted total control over everything, especially Jonathan’s life. To her relief, she was always successful since Jonathan was a “mama’s boy” who never went against her.
However, things began to change when Abbie came into Jonathan’s life. He began to devote a significant percentage of his attention to her, making Susan believe that Abbie was pulling him away from her.
Eventually, Abbie got the impression that Susan despised her, so she advised Jonathan that they move out. But he politely declined, saying, “Oh darling, come on! You know how mom is! She may seem harsh on the outside, but she is soft on the inside. She adores you just as much as she adores me.”
But Abbie knew that wasn’t the case, and her worst fears proved true one day…
Mrs. Norris wasn’t supportive of Abbie and Jonathan’s relationship. | Source: Pexels
“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE WITH THAT BABY!” Susan yelled at Abbie as she and Jonathan returned from the hospital following Timothy’s birth. She didn’t even go to the hospital for Abbie’s delivery because she despised her. And once Abbie was home, she already had a brilliant plan to get rid of her “pathetic” daughter-in-law.
“Susan, what’s the matter?” Abbie stared at her, bewildered. She didn’t understand why the woman would say something like that to her.
“Good Lord! Susan?” she whispered in disbelief on seeing her mother-in-law in such a terrible condition.
“What’s the matter with me?” she retorted. “That boy is not my son’s blood! He looks nothing like my son!” she lied, screaming at the top of her lungs.
“Susan!” Abbie yelled back, teary-eyed. “How could you say such a thing? He’s your grandson…Jonathan,” she said, turning to her husband. “Why aren’t you saying anything? You know he’s—”
Before Abbie could finish, Susan cut her off. “Stop bewitching my son with those crocodile tears of yours! You’ve already wrecked his life. Pack your things and get lost!” she repeated and grabbed Jonathan’s arm, pulling him to her side.
Mrs. Norris ordered Abbie to leave the house. | Source: Pexels
“Jonathan….” Abbie looked at him with hopeful eyes, but he didn’t utter a word. Instead, he stood by his mother’s side and lowered his head in shame.
Abbie couldn’t believe Jonathan didn’t say anything to his mother, even if it meant losing his son! She realized whatever was happening to her was probably the worst thing she’d ever faced, but she reasoned it was probably for the best if she moved away from the toxicity. So she packed her belongings and left Susan’s home to live with her parents.
Several years went by and Abbie had raised Timothy on her own, giving him the finest of everything. Fortunately, she also healed from the pain of her toxic marriage with Jonathan and took the first step towards divorce and a happy life with her son as a single mother.
A few years after the divorce, she found love again when she crossed paths with a man named Edward at Timothy’s school. He was a widower with a daughter, Caroline. He and Abbie fell in love and got married.
Abbie felt her life was complete after marrying Edward. She had a wonderful family, an excellent job, two beautiful children, and a devoted husband. She never thought about the horrific past again until something unexpected happened one day…
Abbie took a drastic step and became a single mom. | Source: Pexels
After dropping Caroline and Timothy off at school, Abbie was on her way to work when she noticed an elderly woman dumpster diving for food.
“Good Lord!” she sighed as she came to a halt and glanced at the woman. “What misery did she go through to have to eat from a dumpster?”
Abbie reached into her handbag for cash and got out of the car to offer it to the woman. But as she got closer, something about the woman’s filthy clothes made her stop.
She recognized the woman’s coat and immediately came to a halt in the middle of the street until a car blew its horn, interrupting her thoughts. When the homeless woman turned around to face her, Abbie’s suspicions were confirmed.
“Good Lord! Susan?” she whispered in disbelief on seeing her mother-in-law in such a terrible condition. “Susan, what happened to you? What are you doing here?” she asked worriedly as she dashed over to her.
Mrs. Norris was looking through trash for food. | Source: Shutterstock
With tears in her eyes, the older woman stared at her. “Abbie? Forgive me for what I did, sweetheart,” she pleaded, bursting into tears. “Please forgive me! I’m starving! I haven’t eaten in days….” She fell at Abbie’s feet and wouldn’t stop crying.
Abbie never liked Susan, but she wasn’t so heartless that she would leave her like that on the streets. So she took a day off from work and accompanied the older woman to a restaurant.
As Susan finished eating, Abbie gently asked, “Susan, how did you end up like this? Where’s Jonathan?”
“All I can say is I paid for my sins, sweetheart,” she sighed, teary-eyed. “I lost everything I had. My Jonathan is no longer with me. He left me alone, and I was so miserable after that….”
Susan wouldn’t stop crying as she revealed that Jonathan was returning home from work one day when he was attacked and robbed by some hooligans. He tried to fight back, but he eventually succumbed to the injuries and died before reaching the hospital.
Jonathan’s death left Mrs. Norris miserable. | Source: Pexels
After the terrible accident, Susan almost lost her mind. Every night, she would sit for hours on her son’s bed, clutching his things and crying. She didn’t want to do anything or interact with anyone. She eventually gave up on life and began roaming the streets.
“I still have the house, but it’s so empty without him. It comes back to bite me when I go back there. I don’t want to be there. I want to run away from all the bad memories…All the bad things I did to you, oh, I regret them so much. Will you please forgive me? I beg of you!” she pleaded, trembling.
Seeing Susan’s dreadful situation, Abbie knew she had already had her fair share of suffering for her wrongdoings, so softening her heart for the older woman, she decided to let go of the past and forgive her.
“It’s all right, Susan,” she said. “I don’t have anything against you or Jonathan. In fact, I’m happy I went on with my life because I now have a beautiful husband and two wonderful children.”
Susan was surprised. “You remarried?”
Abbie was happy with her married life. | Source: Pexels
“Yes! And I am very happy with my life now,” Abbie replied, smiling.
Susan felt a tinge of jealousy, and she dropped her head in shame. But Abbie forgave her and decided to help her out, so Abbie started visiting her home and helping her around the house once in a while.
She also told Edward everything, and he was very sympathetic and supportive. Leaving the horrific past behind them, they now often invite Susan to their home and spend time with her so that she does not feel alone.
What can we learn from this story?
- One day, everyone pays the price for their wrongdoings. Susan ruined Abbie and Jonathan’s relationship and paid the price for it when she found herself all alone.
- Good things always happen to good people. Though Abbie’s divorce from Jonathan was devastating, it ultimately resulted in a much happier life for her and Timothy.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a mom who asks her old neighbor to babysit her children only to return home and find them missing.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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