Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
Elderly Woman Celebrates Christmas Alone after Her Children Find Out She Is a Cleaner – Story of the Day
Victoria’s children were too busy to call her most of the time, except for Christmas. But this year, her son discovered she was a cleaner at a store and stopped communicating with her altogether. Victoria thought she would have to spend the holidays alone until she heard a surprising knock on her door.
Victoria was holding a broom tightly in her hands, but she had stopped cleaning abruptly because of the man who walked into the furniture store where she worked. It was her son, Matthew, staring at her with intense wide eyes and a shocked expression. Victoria smiled and started walking towards him, but he turned around and ran out of the store.
She was surprised by his reaction. Matthew had always been a mama’s boy. But things always change as children get older, Victoria thought. She resolved to talk to him later and continued her job.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
When her husband died ten years ago, her children, Matthew and Marina, suggested selling their big house and getting her a tiny apartment, which would be easier to maintain. They wanted to use the rest of the money to start their respective businesses.
Eventually, their endeavors took off, and they got so busy they could barely contact their mother every once in a while. But the holidays were coming up, and sadly, Victoria realized that her retirement money was not enough for her to live, much less buy presents for her children and grandchildren.
So, at 65 years old, she started working as a cleaner at a furniture store at the mall. The work was not that hard, and she was still young enough to do it. With her job, she had enough money to pay her bills and had even bought all kinds of presents for everyone. However, she had not told her kids about it, afraid of how they might react.
It seemed like keeping quiet was the best option, especially after seeing how Matthew seemed embarrassed seeing her. Still, she called him to explain everything.
“I’m sorry, mother. I’m busy right now. Can I call you later?” Matthew said that night when Victoria called to explain. She worried and bit her bottom lip with her teeth.
“But, honey. About today—” she replied.
“Bye, mother,” her son said more forcefully, and the line went dead.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
She couldn’t figure out what was going on. Matthew’s reaction seemed like an exaggeration. Being a cleaner was nothing to be ashamed of, it’s honest work. Therefore, Victoria decided to call her daughter and see if she knew why her son was acting so weird.
“Mom, I’m busy. I’ll call you later,” Marina said as soon as she picked up Victoria’s call. The older woman couldn’t even get a word in.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll see them at Christmas and explain everything,” she said to herself and continued with her night.
Unfortunately, none of them had called her to settle things for the holiday. They always celebrated at one of their houses, but Victoria had no idea which of her kids was hosting the celebration this year. They hadn’t called back as they promised either, and she was starting to worry.
Two days before Christmas, she sat down with her neighbor, Lorena Atkinson, and unloaded all her worries. “I’m sure they’ll call soon enough, Vickie,” her friend said after hearing the entire story. The two sat in Victoria’s living room, eating cookies and sipping coffee.
“I don’t know. They’ve never acted this way. They are not answering my calls anymore. I don’t understand why. I’m not doing anything wrong. What if they don’t invite me for Christmas? What will I do?” Victoria asked, holding her cup a little tighter as the anxious thoughts took hold.
“Don’t worry. If they don’t invite you, you’ll come to my house. But I honestly don’t get it either. There’s nothing wrong with your job,” Lorena added, popping a cookie in her mouth.
Lorena, who was around the same age as Victoria, lived in the penthouse of Victoria’s apartment building. Her whole family gathered in her home because it had so much room, so Christmas at her house would be fun.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
But Victoria wanted to spend the holidays with her family. This situation was so hard. Why are they acting this way? Why are they icing me out? she worried, despite Lorena’s kind words.
The two women finished their coffee, and Lorena left, promising that everything would be alright and giving her friend a warm hug. Sadly, Christmas morning came, and there was still no call from Marina or Matthew. Victoria cried that entire morning. She looked at the presents under her tree and grew sad as she went to cook her breakfast.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. It’s probably Lorena. I guess I’ll have to accept her invitation to Christmas dinner, Victoria thought gloomily, walking towards her door.
“Surprise!” her kids and grandkids yelled at the door. Victoria clutched her chest, startled, but smiled immediately. “What? What are you doing here?”
“We’re here to see you, Grandma! This year, we’re spending the whole Christmas day here!” Marina’s daughter, Elizabeth, yelled in excitement, walking in with a huge gift box. She was ten years old and the oldest of her grandchildren. The other four ranged between nine to five years old, and they all rushed into the apartment, going directly for the presents under her tree.
“Everyone, calm down. Let’s get settled first, and Grandma will give you your gifts,” Marina called to all the children and then focused on her mother. “Mom, hey. Sorry, we didn’t call earlier. But this was sort of unplanned.”
“Oh, don’t worry. Come in. Come in!” Victoria replied, using her hands to urge the adults inside. Marina’s husband entered behind her, and then Matthew’s wife came in, giving her a big hug.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Matthew came in last and made eye contact with his mother. Victoria looked up at her son, and tears almost welled in her eyes. Then he pulled her in for another big hug and held on for a long time.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I… I don’t know what came over me when I saw you at that store,” he said, not letting go of his mother.
Victoria was all too happy to keep holding her son. “Were you ashamed of me?” “At first, I thought it was that. I couldn’t believe my mother was a cleaning lady. But then, after I received that call from your neighbor, I realized that I was more embarrassed with myself,” Matthew answered.
“What? My neighbor?” Victoria asked, pulling a bit away to look into her son’s eyes. “Yes, Mrs. Atkinson. She said she lives in this building. We met when you moved, and I gave her my contact information in case of emergencies,” Matthew replied.
“Anyway, she called and chewed me out for not inviting you to Christmas and for not answering your calls. Then she said I should be ashamed of myself for having a successful business and making you work hard just to live. That’s when it clicked.” “What clicked?” Victoria asked.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“I was ashamed that I never paid you back for the money from your house. I mean, you gave it to us so easily and never asked for anything. And while we now have money, an expensive car, and remodeled our house, you were struggling to pay your bills. I felt like a failure, and I couldn’t deal with it. I thought I was angry at you, but it was quite the opposite,” Matthew explained, finally letting go.
Just then, Victoria felt a hand on her back. It was Marina. “I thought I was angry at you too. For not telling us you needed money. For not telling us you were cleaning a store. But I was mad at myself. You shouldn’t have to work when the money you gave us is more than enough to keep you comfortable for the rest of your life. I can’t believe we never thought about paying you back before.”
“You don’t have to. It’s ok,” Victoria began, but Marina interrupted her gently. “We have to pay you back, especially after that chewing out from Mrs. Atkinson. She called me too. She said you worked so hard so our kids could have presents from their grandmother, and so we wouldn’t have to worry about you,” Marina continued.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Victoria smiled and made a mental note to thank Lorena for doing that. “Let’s forget about it for now, ok?” she appeased her children and turned to look at her grandkids. “It’s time for everyone to open presents!”
They spent the best Christmas as a family. It was one Victoria would never forget. Marina and Matthew eventually paid their mother back, and they started depositing more money in her account just in case.
But Victoria didn’t quit her job. She liked it. Chatting with her coworkers was fun. She officially retired at 70 years old with a pretty decent amount of money in the bank.
And her children never forgot to invite her and always answered her calls.
What can we learn from this story?
- Honest work is nothing to be ashamed of. No one should be embarrassed by their job. Working hard to earn a living is all that matters.
- Don’t forget the sacrifices your parents made for you. Marina and Matthew forgot about the money their mother gave them to start their companies. But they remembered after being scolded and made amends.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
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