Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
“If I’d married an American and lived in Hollywood, I’d probably be on my third husband by now.”
Following a promising career in show industry, Rachel Ward appeared to vanish from the public eye.
Rather than pursuing celebrity, she concentrated on her 39-year marriage to Bryan Brown and their expanding family.
She is devoted to her two grandkids, who she now has.
About the same time that Rachel Ward met Bryan Brown, she was listed as one of the ten most beautiful women in the world. She was a rising star who had been nominated for a Golden Globe and appeared on the cover of UK Vogue.
Richard Chamberlain, her co-star in “The Thorn Birds,” was enamored with the stunning actress. Speaking about their time together on set, he remarked that because of his stunning co-star, all the love scenes were a pleasure to perform. She was in love with someone else, though, even as he was falling for her.
At one point, Chamberlain disclosed that Ward was falling in love with Brown at the time, indicating that she was a romantic, but regrettably not for him. Despite this, Chamberlain claimed that Ward’s enthusiasm was infectious, primarily due to the fact that they portrayed a couple in love.
He went so far as to say that it was easy to accept that Ward was in love with him and no one else. “I assumed I was the one! It was amazing. God, he used to think, ‘She’s really into me.
According to Ward, there was a strong attraction between her and Brown. “His pecs were nice.” It is, after all, quite chemical, don’t you think? She talked about what made her fall in love at first, saying, “It’s pretty basic.” In all honesty, there was no other way to explain her feelings—she simply liked him.
Brown, meanwhile, immediately concluded that Ward was “not a bad sort.” He was attracted to her right away, but it took him a while to express his interest in her. For Ward, however, this was no big thing because, according to Brown, it was a challenge she was eager to take on until he eventually changed.
It was obvious once Ward made up his mind about him: the 35-year-old ladies’ man, who was, to be honest, just a man averse to commitment, was done playing games. It was now time for him to be married, if not to the stunning Rachel Ward.
Despite coming from a shattered home, Brown never thought he would get married, but in nine months, he and Ward were married. Before Ward entered his life, he used to assure his mother that he would never get married.
Ward and Brown were married under different circumstances, despite the fact that many people decide to get married after discovering they have everything they could possibly need and want in a spouse. Brown was filming a project with Paul McCartney in London at the time. When Ward arrived, they got into a heated dispute.
Brown said, “I just thought we may as well get married if we’re going to argue like that.” In Oxfordshire, the home of Ward’s boyhood, they were married that year. After a while, they made Sydney their home, raising Rose, Matilda, and James, their three children.
Selecting an Alternative Course
Ward was the star of numerous songs prior to “The Thorn Birds.” Although her 1983 mini-TV series with Chamberlain was well-received, she eventually gave up acting due to scathing criticism of her performance. Speaking on her personal experience, she acknowledged:
“I took being slaughtered very seriously. After that, I never really regained my confidence.
Ward’s career was impacted by “The Thorn Birds,” but in the end, it helped her find the love of her life. As they waited for a take one day, Brown instructed Ward to raise her hand. When he saw three lines in her hand during his palm reading, he concluded that she would give birth to three children. They had no idea that they would end up having three children together.
Ward kept acting, but not very often. She made the decision to put her family first and relocated to her husband’s home country of Australia.
In response to a question concerning advice on preserving marriage, Brown says that one should “say yes to your wife all the time, and if anything goes wrong, say ‘it’s my fault.’” Men would be happier if they knew that.
Together, the charming couple had three children who all follow in their footsteps: The most well-known roles for their 1987-born daughter Matilda are in the television series “Lessons from the Grave,” “How God Works,” and “Let’s Talk About.” Their daughter Rosie is well-known for “Black Mirror,” “Inside No. 9,” and “Gangs of London,” while their only son Joe is well-known for “Let’s Talk About” and “Rake.”
Brown acted in the family-friendly film “Palm Beach,” directed by Ward, with his daughter Matilda. The family completed the project collectively.
When Matilda, Ward and Brown’s daughter, gave birth to Zan Neathway Gooding, her first boy, in 2019, the couple became grandparents for the first time. Brown remained by her daughter’s side, eager to eventually hold his grandson in his arms.
The actor did not sure how to react to being referred to as “grandfather,” even if he was a devoted grandfather, since it seemed to reveal his age. But whether he liked it or not, he had to admit that he would always be referred to as “grandpa.”
At first, Brown was concerned about becoming a grandfather because a lot of people were assuming he would adore it. When his grandchild arrived, he quickly became attached to the young boy and wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. He had wanted to work through that portion on his own.
Following the birth of her son, Matilda married Scott Gooding, formally becoming his adolescent son’s stepmother. They had originally planned to wed on Brown and Ward’s land in New South Wales, but they had to postpone their wedding due to the fear of a wildfire.
The family was forced to evacuate after the bushfires threatened to destroy their house. Although they would have preferred to wed at home like her parents did, Matilda decided to get married in Sydney to make sure everyone was safe.
Gooding’s kid was very involved in the wedding. With a broad smile on his face, he stood behind his father during the ceremony. According to the renowned chef, the wedding was “possibly the best moment” of his life, therefore it was the perfect unforgettable occasion.
Matilda is a happy mother of two now that he has had her younger siblings taken care of. Gooding posted a cute picture of his son strolling and pulling the pram of his younger siblings.
Similar to how Ward and Brown remain involved in their children’s life, they also make an effort to spend as much time as they can with their grandchildren. The devoted grandparents post glimpses of their grandparenting on Instagram, where they participate in a variety of activities.
Ward is seen gardening with her oldest grandson Zan in one cute video. In their herb garden, they can be seen sprinkling sugar cane mulch. Gooding boasts that his mother-in-law is “nurturing” her grandkids in the same manner that she strives to take care of the surroundings.
Zan spends time with their farm’s horses when he and his grandmother, whom he refers to as “mopie,” aren’t in the garden. They also spent a Christmas at the family farm, where the devoted grandma raised her first grandchild by exposing him to the animals at a young age to help him become accustomed to them.
Anouk, her second grandchild, arrived, and Ward made sure to spend equal time with him. One day, Gooding took pictures of Ward walking with her daughter Matilda and her second grandson, capturing the precious moment.
When their daughter Rosie became engaged to her fiance Andrew Cameron in 2020, their family grew even more. The start of a stunning partnership was marked by their Instagram engagement announcement.
After a span of two years, Rosie and Andrew joyfully relocated to a stunning new residence in New South Wales. Surrounded by a forest, waterfalls, and an abundance of avocado trees, the property has a modest house.
All of their neighbors stopped by to give the gorgeous couple a warm welcome when they arrived in the neighborhood. They declare they intend to stay awhile and claim to have everything they could possibly need in the town.
Cameron is an Australian regenerative farmer who shares Ward’s enthusiasm for the practice. He was a perfect fit for the rest of the Brown family, which made it simple for everyone to get along and share interests.
Ward and Brown have raised their family admirably throughout it all. Despite the fact that their children have grown, they maintain a close relationship and try to spend as much time as possible with their in-laws. The Browns, Goodings, and Camerons were a joyful family celebrating Christmas together in 2021.
Ward claims that at that point in her life, she most likely would have been married to a third husband if she had married an American and moved to Hollywood.
Ward and Brown are enjoying a successful marriage and their children are all grown up and independent. Ward acknowledges that she thinks there’s more to life than her marriage and her family life, even after 39 years of marriage and counting. Says she:
“While my family and marriage are very important to me, they are also not the end all be all.” I want to pursue a profession in acting because I adore it.
Ward has all the connections necessary to maintain her presence in Hollywood, even if she has spent the years living in Australia. As a matter of fact, she has been making the trip to Hollywood on demand for years.
Ward claims that even though it could have been more practical for her to live in America for her career, she most likely would have been married to her third husband by then if she had married an American and moved to Hollywood.
Rather, she is in a committed relationship with the passion of her life and has complete control over her house and family. When she’s not working on a project, the actress frequently shares with her kids what she does with pride.
One day, while painting her house over several days, her daughter Rosie captured her elevating a glass and the ladder she needed to do the job. Instagram users agreed with the happy daughter’s goal of showcasing what an amazing mother Ward was.
Ward shares more on her Instagram than only her abilities and priceless family moments—her sense of humor. She corrected misinformation regarding her activities during the COVID-19 pandemic.
She reported the following facts: (1) she hadn’t visited the US in more than five years; (2) she didn’t have a personal trainer; (3) she had spent the previous ten days at the mid-north coast; and (5) she lacked COVID-19. “Take a swing at another witch,” she concluded her amusing message.
Ward works on her farm while Brown is filming “Darby and Joan” on television. Together with other things, they are the owners of The Good Farm Shop, which offers ready-made, organic meals.
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