For 35 years, my laundry routine was sacred… until my new neighbor, armed with grudge and a grill, started firing it up the moment my pristine sheets hit the clothesline. It seemed petty at first. Then it got personal. But in the end, I had the last laugh.
Some people mark the seasons by holidays or weather. I mark mine by which sheets are on the line: flannel in winter, cotton in summer, and those lavender-scented ones my late husband Tom used to love in spring. After 35 years in the same modest two-bedroom house on Pine Street, certain rituals become your anchors, especially when life has stripped so many others away.
A smiling woman hanging a dress on a clothesline | Source: Pexels
I was pinning up the last of my white sheets one Tuesday morning when I heard the telltale scrape of metal across concrete next door.
“Not again,” I muttered, clothes pins still clenched between my lips.
That’s when I saw her: Melissa, my neighbor of exactly six months. She was dragging her massive stainless steel barbecue grill to the fence line. Our eyes met briefly before she looked away, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.
“Morning, Diane!” she called out with artificial sweetness. “Beautiful day for a cookout, isn’t it?”
I removed the pins from my mouth. “At ten in the morning on a Tuesday?”
She shrugged, her blonde highlights catching the sun. “I’m meal prepping. You know how it is… busy, busy!”
I had to rewash an entire load that came out reeking of burnt bacon and lighter fluid after one of Melissa’s smoky meal prep sessions.
A barbecue grill | Source: Unsplash
When she pulled the same stunt that Friday while I was hanging clothes on the line, I’d had enough and stormed across the lawn.
“Melissa, are you grilling bacon and lighting God knows what every time I do laundry? My whole house smells like a diner married a bonfire.”
She gave me that fake, sugary smile and chirped, “I’m just enjoying my yard. Isn’t that what neighbors are supposed to do?”
Within minutes, thick plumes of smoke drifted directly onto my pristine sheets, the acrid smell of burnt bacon and steak mingling with the scent of my lavender detergent.
This wasn’t cooking. This was warfare.
Smoke emanating from a BBQ grill | Source: Unsplash
“Everything okay, hon?” Eleanor, my elderly neighbor from across the street, called from her garden.
I forced a smile. “Just peachy. Nothing says ‘welcome to the neighborhood’ quite like smoke-infused laundry.”
Eleanor set down her trowel and walked over. “That’s the third time this week she’s fired up that thing the minute your laundry goes out.”
“Fourth,” I corrected. “You missed Monday’s impromptu hot dog extravaganza.”
“Have you tried talking to her?”
I nodded, watching as my sheets began to take on a grayish tinge. “Twice. She just smiles and says she’s ‘enjoying her property rights.'”
Sheets pinned to a clothesline | Source: Unsplash
Eleanor’s eyes narrowed. “Well, Tom wouldn’t have stood for this nonsense.”
The mention of my husband’s name still created that momentary hitch in my chest, even eight years later. “No, he wouldn’t have. But Tom also believed in picking your battles.”
“And is this one worth picking?”
I watched as Melissa flipped a hamburger patty, the grill large enough to cook for 20 people. “I’m starting to think it might be.”
I took down my now smoke-infused sheets, holding back tears of frustration. These were the last set Tom and I had bought together before his diagnosis. Now they reeked of cheap charcoal and pettiness.
A teary-eyed woman | Source: Pexels
“This isn’t over,” I whispered to myself as I trudged back inside with my ruined laundry. “Not by a long shot.”
“Mom, maybe it’s time to just get a dryer,” my daughter Sarah suggested. “They’re more efficient now, and—”
“I have a perfectly good clothesline that’s served me for three decades, sweetie. And I’m not about to let some Martha Stewart wannabe with boundary issues chase me off it.”
Sarah sighed. “I know that tone. What are you planning?”
“Planning? Me?” I opened my kitchen drawer and pulled out the neighborhood association handbook. “Just exploring my options.”
A surprised young lady | Source: Pexels
“Mom…?! I smell rats. Big ones.”
“Did you know there are actually rules about barbecue smoke in our HOA guidelines? Apparently, it’s considered a ‘nuisance’ if it ‘unduly impacts neighboring properties.'”
“Okayyyy?!? Are you going to report her?”
I closed the handbook. “Not yet. I think we need to try something else first.”
“We? Oh no, don’t drag me into your neighbor feud,” Sarah laughed.
“Too late! I need to borrow those neon and pink beach towels you used at that swim camp last summer. And any other colorful laundry you can spare.”
“You’re going to fight barbecue with laundry?”
“Let’s just say I’m going to give her Instagram brunch a new backdrop.”
Bright pink and green striped towels on the sand | Source: Pexels
I sat on my back porch, iced tea in hand, and watched as Melissa’s backyard was transformed. Strings of Edison bulbs appeared along her fence. A new pergola materialized. Potted plants with color-coordinated flowers lined her immaculate paver patio.
Every Saturday morning, like clockwork, the same group of women showed up with designer bags and bottles of champagne.
They’d crowd around her long farmhouse table, snapping photos of avocado toast and each other, cackling like hyenas while gossping about everyone who wasn’t there… especially the ones they’d hugged five minutes earlier.
A group of women laughing | Source: Unsplash
I overheard enough of their conversations to know exactly what Melissa thought of me and my clothesline.
It’s like living next to a laundromat,” she once told a friend, not even bothering to lower her voice. “So tacky. This neighborhood was supposed to have standards.”
***
Snapping out of my thoughts, I rushed inside and grabbed the neon towels plus that hot pink robe with “Hot Mama” on the back that my mom gave me for Christmas.
“Mom, what are you doing?” my youngest, Emily, gasped. “You said you’d never wear this in public.”
I smiled. “Things change, honey.”
A woman wearing a bright pink robe | Source: Unsplash
Saturday morning arrived with perfect blue skies. I watched from my kitchen window as caterers set up Melissa’s elaborate brunch spread. Flowers were arranged. Champagne was iced. And the first guests began to appear, each one dressed more impeccably than the last.
I timed it perfectly, waiting until phones were out and mimosas were being raised for a group selfie.
That’s when I emerged with my laundry basket.
A woman holding a laundry basket | Source: Freepik
“Morning, ladies!” I called cheerfully, setting down my overflowing basket of the most garish, colorful items I could assemble.
Melissa’s head snapped in my direction, her smile freezing in place. “Diane! What a…surprise. Don’t you usually do laundry on weekdays?”
I hung up a neon green beach towel and laughed. “Oh, I’m flexible these days. Retirement is wonderful that way.”
A woman laughing | Source: Pexels
The women at the table exchanged glances as I continued hanging item after item: my children’s SpongeBob sheets, the hot pink “Hot Mama” robe, leopard print leggings, and a collection of bright Hawaiian shirts Tom had loved.
“You know,” one of Melissa’s friends stage-whispered, “it’s really ruining the aesthetic of our photos.”
“That’s so unfortunate,” I replied, taking extra time positioning the robe directly in their camera line. “Almost as unfortunate as having to rewash four loads of laundry because of barbecue smoke.”
A woman holding her phone | Source: Pexels
Melissa’s face flushed as she stood abruptly. “Ladies, let’s move to the other side of the yard.”
But the damage was done. As they repositioned, I could hear the murmurs and gossips:
“Did she say barbecue smoke?”
“Melissa, are you feuding with your widowed neighbor?”
“That’s not very community-minded…”
I hid my smile as I continued hanging the laundry, humming loudly enough for them to hear.
Two women gossiping | Source: Pexels
When the brunch ended earlier than usual, Melissa marched to the fence. Up close, I could see the perfect makeup couldn’t quite hide the tension in her face.
“Was that really necessary?” she hissed.
“Was what necessary?”
“You know exactly what you’re doing.”
“Yes, I do. Just like you knew exactly what you were doing with your strategic barbecuing.”
“That’s different—”
“Is it? Because from where I stand, we’re both just ‘enjoying our yards.’ Isn’t that what neighbors are supposed to do?”
An angry young woman | Source: Pexels
Her eyes narrowed at hearing her own words thrown back at her. “My friends come here every week. These gatherings are important to me.”
“And my laundry routine is important to me. It’s not just about saving money on utilities, Melissa. It’s about memories. That clothesline was here when I brought my babies home from the hospital. It was here when my husband was still alive.”
Her phone buzzed. She glanced down at it, her expression hardening again. “Whatever. Just know that your little laundry show cost me followers today.”
As she stormed off, I couldn’t help but call after her: “That’s a shame! Maybe next week we should coordinate colors!”
A woman looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
For three consecutive Saturdays, I made sure my most colorful laundry made its appearance during brunch. By the third week, Melissa’s guest list had noticeably thinned.
I was hanging up a particularly vivid tie-dyed sheet when Eleanor appeared at my side, her garden gloves still on.
“You know,” she said with a chuckle, “half the neighborhood is taking bets on how long this standoff will last.”
I secured the last clothespin. “As long as it takes. I just want her to see me… and understand that I have as much right to my clothesline as she does to her brunches.”
A woman clipping laundry to a clothesline | Source: Freepik
After Eleanor left, I sat on my porch swing, watching my laundry dance in the breeze. The vivid colors against the blue sky reminded me of the prayer flags Tom and I had seen on our trip to New Mexico years ago. He’d loved how they moved in the wind, carrying wishes and prayers up to heaven.
I was so lost in the memory that I didn’t notice Melissa approaching until she was standing at the foot of my porch steps.
“Can we talk?” she asked, her tone clipped and formal.
I gestured to the empty chair beside me. “Have a seat.”
An empty chair on the porch | Source: Unsplash
She remained standing, her arms crossed tightly. “I want you to know that I’ve moved my brunches inside. Happy now?”
“I wasn’t trying to ruin your brunches, Melissa. I was just doing my laundry.”
“On Saturday mornings? Coincidentally?”
“About as coincidental as your barbecues starting every time my whites hit the line.”
We stared at each other for a long moment, two women too stubborn to back down.
A mature woman staring at someone | Source: Pexels
“Well,” she finally said, “I hope you enjoy your victory and your tacky clothesline.”
With that, she turned on her heel and marched back to her house.
“I will!” I called after her. “Every single sunny day!”
***
These days, hanging laundry has become my favorite part of the week. I take my time arranging each item, making sure the “Hot Mama” robe gets prime position where it catches the most sunlight.
Eleanor joined me one Saturday morning, handing me clothespins as I worked.
“Have you noticed?” she asked, nodding toward Melissa’s yard where the patio sat empty, curtains drawn. “She hasn’t fired up that grill in weeks.”
I smiled, adjusting a particularly bright yellow sheet. “Oh, yes!”
An empty patio | Source: Unsplash
“And have you also noticed she can barely look at you? I swear, yesterday at the mailbox she practically sprinted back inside when she saw you coming.”
I laughed, remembering how Melissa had clutched her letters to her chest and scurried away like I was wielding something more dangerous than fabric softener.
“Some people just can’t handle losing,” I said, pinning up the last sock. “Especially to a woman with a clothesline and the patience to use it.”
A woman running | Source: Pexels
Later, as I sat on my porch swing with a glass of iced tea, I caught sight of Melissa peering through her blinds. When our eyes met, she frowned deeply and let the slat snap shut.
I raised my glass in her direction anyway.
Tom would have gotten such a kick out of all this. I could almost hear his deep chuckle, feel his hand on my shoulder as he’d say, “That’s my Diane… never needed more than a clothesline and conviction to make her point!”
The truth is, some battles aren’t about winning or losing. They’re about standing your ground when the smoke clears… and showing the world that sometimes the most powerful statement you can make is simply hanging your laundry out to dry, especially when it includes a neon pink robe with “#1 HOT MAMA” emblazoned across the back.
Clothes hanging on a clothesline | Source: Unsplash
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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