Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
BILLIE EILISH FINALLY REVEALS HER FIGURE AFTER YEARS OF HIDING – SEE THE 3 PHOTOS THAT SHOCKED FANS
Billie Eilish’s decision to wear baggy clothes wasn’t just about fashion. She has talked about why she chose to dress in oversized outfits and how her style has changed over time to include more form-fitting looks.
Here are three key moments where fans got a peek at her figure, showing how her fashion has evolved.
Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell was born on December 18, 2001, in Los Angeles, California. She is an American singer and songwriter who became famous with her first single, “Ocean Eyes,” in 2015.
Billie Eilish, who has openly discussed her struggles with body image, quickly rose to fame in the music industry. Her debut album, *”When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”* topped charts around the world, proving she was a major talent to watch. Despite her success, Eilish continued to keep her body hidden, choosing baggy clothes as a way to feel more comfortable in the spotlight.
For years, Billie Eilish became known for her signature oversized clothes and layered chains, which sparked curiosity and speculation about her appearance. However, there are a few moments where Eilish’s figure is visible, offering a glimpse into her evolving style. These three featured images highlight how the singer’s look has shifted, showing a more confident side of her while still staying true to her individuality.
Billie Eilish in 2016
In 2017, Billie Eilish rocked a look that was both laid-back and stylish. She attended an event wearing an oversized fishnet shirt, which added to her signature casual, edgy vibe. This outfit showcased her ability to mix comfort with fashion-forward choices, staying true to her unique style.
At one point, a paparazzo snapped a rare photo of Billie Eilish in a tight tank top and shorts, revealing more of her figure than usual. The image spread quickly online, with people commenting on her appearance, some even suggesting she looked older than her age. This moment fueled more discussion about her body and her choice to typically wear baggy clothes.
The photo, taken when Billie Eilish was quickly walking from her car to her brother’s house, caused many different reactions. Some people supported her, praising body positivity, while others shared negative and hurtful comments.
Billie explained, “I think the people around me were more worried about it than I was. The reason I used to hurt myself was because of my body. To be honest, I only started wearing baggy clothes because of my body.”
Eilish was actually relieved that the paparazzi photo happened when she had a better relationship with her body. Looking back, she remembered struggling with how she viewed her body for many years.
There was a time when Billie Eilish danced excessively and ate very little. At just 12 years old, she even tried a diet pill. Now, looking back, this felt unreal to her, especially since she once thought her body insecurities were only her problem.
It was upsetting for Billie to realize that the internet also had negative opinions about her body. “The internet hates women,” she said.
In 2020, Billie made a short film where she slowly takes off a black hoodie, showing a bra underneath, before sinking into a pool of thick black liquid. In a voiceover, she wonders if people truly understand her, pointing out that they judge her thoughts, music, clothes, and body.
Billie Eilish in 2019
In a Calvin Klein ad for the campaign “I Speak My Truth In #MyCalvins,” Billie Eilish explained why she likes wearing baggy clothes. She said that fashion helps her keep her privacy. By wearing oversized outfits, she feels she can avoid people’s judgments and keep a part of herself hidden from the world.
“No one can say any of that because they don’t know,” Billie Eilish emphasized, referring to the way people form opinions without understanding her. Her fans stood by her decision to wear baggy clothes, saying it made them admire her even more, both as a person and an artist. They appreciated her honesty and the way she stayed true to herself despite outside pressure.
Many fans of Billie Eilish shared their support for her on X.
One fan wrote, “When Billie Eilish said she wears baggy clothes so people can’t judge her body, I really felt that.”
Another fan said, “I always thought that’s why she wore big clothes because I used to do the same. I love you, @billieeilish.”
Another admirer expressed their frustration, saying, “I will always support Billie. It’s sad she feels she has to dress like this to avoid body shaming from people who do it for no reason.”
One fan highlighted the unfairness of the situation, saying, “The fact that Billie Eilish wears baggy clothes to avoid being sexualized shows something is wrong with our society.”
Billie Eilish in 2021
During the pandemic, Billie Eilish spent a lot of time alone and realized she had lost touch with how she saw herself. She started to understand that she didn’t really know who she was anymore, so she decided to go on a journey of self-discovery.
In 2021, Billie Eilish embraced her complexity and individuality by posing for British Vogue in three photos showcasing her figure. She shared that she had embraced her multifaceted nature and recognized that she isn’t limited to just one identity.
Looking back, Billie Eilish shared that she spent much of her life presenting herself in a masculine and boyish way. Over the years, she realized that she had the freedom to express herself in different ways.
Billie Eilish said, “I don’t need to always prove to everyone that I’m a tomboy. That’s part of who I am, but I’m also feminine, sexy, and cute. I can be all these things.”
Billie Eilish, who wore a corset for a photo shoot, said she liked its style but also acknowledged its history of confinement. She admitted, “If I’m honest with you, I hate my stomach, and that’s why.”
Eilish used her new look to send a strong message. She addressed those who exploit underage girls, saying, “Don’t make me not a role model because you’re turned on by me.”
She also spoke out against people who praise her for feeling comfortable in her body, pointing out that it can make things worse. “The more the internet and the world care about somebody doing something different, they put it on such a high pedestal that then it’s even worse,” she explained.
With her new look, including changes to her signature black and green hair, Eilish said, “I feel more like a woman, somehow.”
In 2023, Billie Eilish adopted a more sophisticated and feminine style. She often appeared in elegant and elaborate outfits at high-profile events, highlighting her evolving fashion sense.
For instance, at the 2023 Academy Museum Gala, Eilish put on a busty display in a striking pinstriped suit. The tailored set featured a fitted blazer with a plunging neckline, accentuating her curves. Eilish completed the look with a matching skirt.
At the 2023 Academy Museum Gala, Billie Eilish wore a striking pinstriped suit that showcased her curves. The tailored blazer had a plunging neckline, and she paired it with a matching skirt, giving her a sophisticated and bold appearance.
Billie Eilish in 2024
At the 29th Annual Critics Choice Awards, Billie Eilish wore a stunning Thom Browne outfit. She opted for a black, form-fitting corset-style dress layered over a floor-length white collared shirt. To complete her look, she added round glasses and styled her vibrant red and black hair in a sleek, tied-back fashion.
Billie Eilish’s changing fashion style, from edgy tomboy outfits to sophisticated and elegant looks, reflects her growth as both an artist and a person. Her fashion choices show off her unique style and also help her address important issues like body image and body shaming.
By expressing herself through her style and speaking up about these issues, the 22-year-old continues to be a prominent figure in both fashion and music.
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