The underwear of my neighbor turned into the star of a suburban farce, stealing the show directly outside my son’s 8-year-old window. Jake’s innocent question about whether her thongs were slingshots made me realize that the “panty parade” needed to end and that it was time to teach her some prudence when doing the laundry.
Oh, suburbia: a place where everything seems perfect, the air filled with the scent of freshly cut grass, and life goes on without incident until someone changes everything. At that point, Lisa, our new neighbor, showed up. Everything had been rather quiet until wash day, when I saw something for the first time that had caught me off guard: a rainbow of her panties flapping outside Jake’s window like flags at a dubious parade.I nearly choked on my coffee one afternoon while folding Jake’s superhero underwear and happened to look out the window. And there they were, lacy and blazing pink and very much on show. Ever the inquisitive child, my son glanced over my shoulder and posed the dreaded query, “Mom, why is Mrs. Lisa wearing her underpants outside? And why are there strings on some of them? Are they for her hamster companion?I tried to explain between choked laughter and horrified astonishment. However, Jake’s imagination was running wild as he pondered whether Mrs. Lisa had aerodynamically engineered underpants and was indeed a superhero. He even expressed a desire to participate, proposing that his Captain America boxers be displayed next to her “crime-fighting gear.” Jake would get curious and Lisa’s laundry would flap in the breeze on a daily basis. But I realized it was time to terminate this farce when he offered to hang his own underpants next to hers. So, prepared to settle the dispute amicably, I marched over to her residence. Before I could say anything, Lisa answered the door and made it plain that she wasn’t going to break her laundry routine for anyone. She dismissed my worries with a laugh, advised me to “loosen up,” and even gave me style tips for my own clothes. Despite my frustration, I remained resolute and devised a cleverly trivial scheme. Using the brightest fabric I could find, I made the biggest, flashiest pair of granny panties ever that evening. When Lisa departed the following day, I hung my work of art directly in front of her window. When she came back, the sight of the enormous underwear with a flamingo print almost took her breath away. It was worth every stitch to watch her lose her cool trying to take down my practical joke. After a while, she gave in and agreed to shift her laundry somewhere less noticeable, all the while I silently celebrated my success. After that, Lisa’s laundry disappeared from our shared vision, and everything returned to normal. What about me? In the end, I had some flamingo-themed curtains that served as a constant reminder of the day I prevailed in the suburban laundry war.
Golden Globes Gets Skewered As “New Low”
As Hollywood studios continue to see movie after movie fIop with audiences who want to be entertained by a compelling storyline rather than preached to by woke directors or shown CGI slop with no reaI plot, the Golden Globes this year were yet another humiliating disaster for the entertainment industry.
In fact, even sympathetic media outIets torched the Golden Globes, saying that they were mostly a disaster this year.
This year’s flop of a Golden Globes event was particularly bad for the industry given that, having been taken over from NBC by CBS, it was meant to be something of a reboot for the awards party and bring back a show generally known over the past few years for its declining ratings, if anything.
But rather than a revivaI, it was another flop for Hollywood, with even generally sympathetic media outlet Vanity Fair running a review of the event titled, The 2024 Golden Globes Were a Near-Total Disaster. Continuing, that review went on to describe host Jo Koy’s lengthy opening monologue as a horrid, sophomoric mishmash of lazy jokes” that didn’t elicit much laughter, a problem exacerbated by Koy being mostly unknown.
Similarly, the Iess sympathetic New York Post tore into the event as being a new low for an already troubled show, with a review article titled, Golden Globes 2024 were a new low for dying awards shows. Pulling no punches, the NYP article argued that it would have been better to cancel the event than run one so awful, saying:
Preparing for the 2024 Golden Globes, the awards show made a bunch of reforms to its ethically wobbIy voting body, got a new owner and moved to a different network. But none of those PR efforts matter much when the broadcast turns out as godawful as Sunday night’s did.
If only we’d 100% canceled the Globes when we had the chance.
Conservatives on X were simiIarly harsh. Washington Examiner personality Tim Young, for example, tore into the Golden Globes with a vengeance and said, “The Golden Globes had trash ratings… Perhaps people don’t want to tune in to woke, unfunny jokes about how white people are evil. Maybe their host should lecture at Harvard… I’m sure he’d be a hit there.”
Other posters noted that Jo Koy was a terrible host, saying things Iike “#GoldenGlobes Jo Koy is a terrible comedian, watching him tell jokes is so excruciating” and “i turned on the golden globes and had to turn it off bc the host is terrible.”
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