Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
My Friend Kicked Me Out of His Wedding, His Reason Stunned Me
My wife and I were shocked when we were kicked out of my friend’s wedding for ordering pizza after the buffet ran out of food. What began as a lighthearted, slightly tipsy idea quickly turned into a whirlwind of drama that made us question not only our actions but also our friendships.
We had been looking forward to Tom’s wedding for weeks. It was a small, intimate affair with about 70 guests, mostly family, and the atmosphere was joyful. Everyone seemed genuinely happy to be there.
As we admired the decorations and soaked in the celebratory mood, everything seemed perfect. My wife and I exchanged smiles, complimenting the setup and how happy Tom and Linda looked. We were seated at a table with some lovely people and began chatting with a couple named Jane and Bob.
After a beautiful ceremony full of heartfelt vows, the celebration kicked off with drinks flowing at the open bar. Two bottles of wine were placed on each table, along with bread and butter, and the mood was lively. But then came the announcement for the buffet, which was to be served by calling tables up one at a time, starting with the family.
As we watched the first tables head to the buffet, we noticed plates being piled high with food. I quietly mentioned to my wife that I hoped there would be enough for everyone, and we both waited, hoping for the best. However, when our table was finally called, the buffet was nearly empty. We managed to scrape together a few scraps, leaving everyone at our table visibly disappointed. We could sense frustration growing around us.
“That’s it?” Jane asked, staring at her nearly empty plate. Bob, equally unhappy, grumbled about how hungry he still was. My wife and I were equally disheartened, but we tried to keep things lighthearted.
It was then that Bob jokingly suggested ordering pizza. To our surprise, the idea didn’t seem all that far-fetched to us in our hungry state. After a quick chat with the others, we decided to go for it, pooling some money and placing an order for four large pizzas and wings.
When the pizzas arrived, we shared them with those around us who also hadn’t gotten enough to eat. The atmosphere at our table shifted as we laughed about the absurdity of the situation, but that light mood didn’t last long. Before we knew it, Linda’s father approached our table, clearly unhappy.
He sternly asked where the pizza came from, and after explaining that we had ordered it because the buffet ran out of food, he grew even more upset. When he asked for a slice and I refused, citing that we had barely eaten ourselves, his frustration turned into full-blown anger.
Not long after, Tom came over, looking distressed. He apologized but explained that we needed to leave, as the pizza situation had upset Linda and her family. Feeling hurt and frustrated, we gathered our things and left the reception, ending the night on a sour note.
A few days later, Tom called me. He explained that after talking with Linda and her family, they realized there hadn’t been enough food and felt terrible about what had happened. Linda’s father, especially, was eager to make amends and had planned a big “After Wedding Shindig” to invite everyone back, with plenty of food, drinks, and entertainment.
Despite the awkwardness of the original event, it seemed like things were headed in a positive direction, and I found myself looking forward to the follow-up celebration. What had started as a silly solution to our hunger turned into a larger lesson in communication, and, in the end, a chance for everyone to come together again.
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