Unique divorce announcement
Dear former partner,
I trust this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. It is with mixed emotions that I communicate my decision not to return to our shared abode. Reflecting on our seven years together, it is evident that change is inevitable, and in this case, it is necessary for both of us.
The recent fortnight has been quite tumultuous, culminating in a decisive moment when your manager called to inform me of your abrupt resignation. Upon your return home a week ago, my attempt to surprise you with your favorite dish and a fresh haircut went unnoticed. Clad in a pair of brand-new silk boxers, I hoped to rekindle the connection we once shared.
Regrettably, you devoured the meal in record time, indulged in your television dramas, and retired to bed without acknowledging the effort I put into the evening. Our communication has dwindled, expressions of love have become scarce, and our intimacy is but a distant memory. Whether this stems from infidelity or a loss of affection, I have chosen to part ways.
Wishing you a fulfilling journey ahead, your former partner.
P.S. Please refrain from attempting to locate me; your sister and I have decided to start anew in West Virginia. May life bring you joy.
To my previous spouse,
Your letter has undeniably added a touch of humor to my day. Despite the seven years of marriage, your perception of yourself as a kind and wonderful man hasn’t always aligned with reality.
Television dramas have been my escape from the constant complaints, although their effectiveness is inconsistent.
I did notice your new haircut last week, though my initial thought was that it had a surprisingly feminine touch!
My preference for TV dramas aside, I had to keep quiet about your attempt at preparing my favorite dinner since I gave up pork seven years ago. As for the silk boxers, the $49.99 price tag raised an eyebrow, especially considering my sister borrowed $50 from me that very morning.
Despite our differences, I held on to the belief that our love could endure. Imagine my surprise when, following my $10 million lottery win, I returned home to find you gone.
Everything happens for a reason, and I genuinely hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always sought. Please be aware that, as per my attorney, you won’t be receiving any money from me.
Wishing you luck on your journey, your ex-wife, liberated and prosperous.
P.S. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, my sister Carla was born Carl. I trust this revelation won’t pose any issues.
Jim Jordan’s Major Announcement: What’s the Buzz?
Two Republican committee chairmen, James Comer of Kentucky and Jim Jordan of Ohio, have reinitiated their inquiry into President Joe Biden, alleging potential interference with his son Hunter Biden’s cooperation in the House’s impeachment investigation.
A statement from the White House impIied President Joe Biden was aware of Hunter’s intention to defy congressional subpoenas, prompting the investigation.
The statement read: “The Committees issued subpoenas to Hunter Biden for a deposition to be conducted on December 13, 2023. In correspondence with Mr. Biden’s attorney prior to the scheduled deposition, the Committees addressed and dismissed Mr. Biden’s justifications for non-compliance with the subpoenas, as well as his request for special treatment.”
In December, the United States House of Representatives voted to formally authorize an investigation into President Joe Biden’s potential impeachment.
With a party-line vote of 221-212, the Republican-controlled chamber endorsed the inquiry, probing whether Biden unlawfully benefited from his son Hunter Biden’s international business ventures. Hunter Biden had earlier declined an invitation to testify privately.
Newly appointed House Speaker Mike Johnson recently discussed the impeachment inquiry into Joe Biden, asserting, “We have a duty to pursue it.”
“These are serious times and this is a very serious matter. Next to the Declaration of W*r, impeachment may be the most consequential power Congress holds. That constitutional responsibility rests with the House,” Johnson began at a press briefing.
“We must pursue the facts wherever they lead. Facts are stubborn things, as John Adams famously said. These facts are alarming to the American people and to us. While we take no pleasure in these proceedings, we have a duty to act. We are proud of the work of Chairmen Comer, Jordan, and Smith. They have diligently uncovered evident corru ption involving President Biden and the Biden family. We owe it to the American people to continue this process methodically and transparently,” Johnson added.
He continued, “To do this appropriately and uphold our constitutional duty, we need time and a sound process. Rushing is not an option if we are to remain faithful to the Constitution. The chairmen are committed to proceeding in this manner. We have heard from whistleblowers, Biden business associates, legal experts, and now it is crucial to hear from key witnesses.”
“The chairmen have issued subpoenas, and we expect them to be complied with promptly. We are not making any prejudgments. We will follow the facts wherever they lead. I fully support our chairmen in their efforts, and we will have more updates in the days ahead. Now, we will take some questions.”
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