Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Pai solteiro de duas meninas acorda para preparar café da manhã para suas filhas e o encontra já cozido
Como um pai solteiro que concilia o trabalho e duas filhas pequenas, Jack nunca imaginou encontrar panquecas caseiras de uma estranha na mesa da cozinha uma manhã. Quando ele descobre a misteriosa benfeitora, sua história chocante de dificuldades e gratidão muda sua vida para sempre, forjando um vínculo inesperado entre eles.
Jack e suas duas filhas | Fonte: Midjourney
Ser pai solteiro de duas meninas, Emma, que tinha 4 anos, e Lily, que tinha 5, foi o trabalho mais difícil que já tive. Minha esposa nos deixou para viajar pelo mundo, e agora éramos só eu e as meninas. Eu as amava mais do que tudo, mas equilibrar trabalho, cozinhar e cuidar de tudo em casa me deixava exausto.
Toda manhã, eu acordava cedo. Primeiro, eu acordava as meninas.
Naquela manhã não foi diferente. “Emma, Lily, hora de levantar!”, chamei suavemente, abrindo a porta do quarto delas.
Emma e Lily dormindo | Fonte: Midjouney
Lily esfregou os olhos e sentou-se. “Bom dia, papai”, ela disse, bocejando.
Emma, ainda meio dormindo, murmurou: “Não quero levantar.”
Eu sorri. “Vamos, querida. Temos que nos preparar para a creche.”
Ajudei-as a se vestir. Lily escolheu seu vestido favorito, aquele com flores, enquanto Emma escolheu sua blusa rosa e jeans. Depois que elas estavam vestidas, todas nós descemos.
Jake veste Lily | Fonte: Midjouney
Fui até a cozinha para fazer o café da manhã. O plano era simples: aveia com leite. Mas quando entrei na cozinha, parei no meio do caminho. Lá, na mesa, estavam três pratos de panquecas recém-feitas com geleia e frutas.
“Meninas, vocês viram isso?” perguntei, intrigada.
Os olhos de Lily se arregalaram. “Uau, panquecas! Você as fez, papai?”
Um prato de panquecas | Fonte: Midjourney
Balancei a cabeça. “Não, não vi. Talvez a tia Sarah tenha passado mais cedo.”
Peguei meu telefone e liguei para minha irmã, Sarah.
“Ei, Sarah, você veio aqui hoje de manhã?”, perguntei assim que ela atendeu.
“Não, por quê?” Sarah parecia confusa.
Mulher fala ao telefone | Fonte: Pexels
“Não se preocupe, não é nada”, eu disse, desligando. Verifiquei as portas e janelas, mas tudo estava trancado. Não havia sinal de alguém arrombando.
“É seguro comer, papai?” Emma perguntou, olhando para as panquecas com olhos arregalados.
Decidi prová-los primeiro. Estavam deliciosos e pareciam perfeitamente bons. “Acho que está tudo bem. Vamos comer”, eu disse.
Emma e Lily esperam para comer as panquecas | Fonte: Midjourney
As meninas comemoraram e comeram o café da manhã. Eu não conseguia parar de pensar em quem poderia ter feito as panquecas. Era estranho, mas decidi deixar para lá por enquanto. Eu tinha que ir trabalhar.
Depois do café da manhã, deixei Emma e Lily na creche. “Tenham um bom dia, meus amores”, eu disse, dando um beijo de despedida nelas.
No trabalho, eu não conseguia me concentrar. Minha mente continuava voltando para as misteriosas panquecas. Quem poderia ter feito isso? Por quê? Quando voltei para casa naquela noite, tive outra surpresa. O gramado, que eu não tive tempo de aparar, estava bem aparado.
Um gramado bem aparado | Fonte: Midjourney
Fiquei no meu quintal, coçando a cabeça. “Isso está ficando estranho”, murmurei para mim mesmo. Verifiquei a casa novamente, mas tudo estava em ordem.
Na manhã seguinte, decidi descobrir quem estava me ajudando. Levantei mais cedo do que o normal e me escondi na cozinha, espiando por uma pequena fresta na porta. Às 6 da manhã, vi uma mulher entrar pela janela.
Uma mulher estranha na cozinha | Fonte: Midjourney
Ela estava usando roupas velhas de funcionária dos correios. Eu a observei enquanto ela começava a lavar os pratos da noite anterior. Então ela tirou um pouco de queijo cottage da bolsa e começou a fazer panquecas.
Meu estômago roncou alto. A mulher se virou, assustada. Ela rapidamente desligou o gás e correu em direção à janela.
A mulher assustada | Fonte: Midjourney
“Espere, por favor, eu não vou te machucar”, eu disse, saindo do meu esconderijo. “Você fez essas panquecas, certo? Por favor, me diga por que está fazendo isso. Não tenha medo de mim, eu sou o pai das meninas e nunca machucaria uma mulher, especialmente quando você me ajudou tanto.”
A mulher parou e lentamente se virou para mim. Vi seu rosto e pensei que ela parecia familiar, mas não conseguia lembrar de onde a conhecia.
“Nós já nos conhecemos antes, não é?”, perguntei, confusa.
Homem confuso em um terno | Fonte: Pexels
A mulher assentiu, mas antes que pudesse falar, as vozes de Emma e Lily vieram do andar de cima: “Papai, onde você está?”
Olhei para as escadas, depois de volta para a mulher. “Vamos sentar e conversar. Vou pegar minhas meninas. Por favor, não vá”, implorei.
A mulher hesitou, então assentiu lentamente. “Ok”, ela disse calmamente.
O estranho senta-se à mesa | Fonte: Midjourney
Sorri aliviada, então corri escada acima para pegar Emma e Lily. “Vamos, meninas, temos uma convidada surpresa lá embaixo”, eu disse.
Eles me seguiram, curiosos. Quando entramos na cozinha, a mulher estava parada perto da janela, parecendo insegura e pronta para fugir.
“Por favor, não vá embora”, eu disse gentilmente. “Eu só quero conversar e agradecer.”
Jake para a mulher | Fonte: Midjourney
Emma e Lily olharam para ela com olhos arregalados. “Quem é ela, papai?” Lily perguntou.
“Vamos descobrir juntos”, respondi. Virando-me para a mulher, acrescentei: “Por favor, sente-se. Posso lhe servir um café?”
Ela hesitou, mas então assentiu lentamente. “Ok”, ela disse suavemente.
A mulher senta-se à mesa | Fonte: Midjourney
Nós todos nos sentamos à mesa da cozinha. “Eu sou Jack”, comecei, “e essas são minhas filhas, Emma e Lily. Vocês têm nos ajudado, e eu quero saber o porquê.”
A mulher respirou fundo. “Meu nome é Claire”, ela começou. “Dois meses atrás, você me ajudou quando eu estava em um lugar muito ruim.”
Franzi a testa, tentando me lembrar. “Ajudou você? Como?”
Um homem tenta se lembrar de algo | Fonte: Pexels
Ela continuou: “Eu estava deitada na estrada, fraca e desesperada. Todos passaram, mas você parou. Você me levou para um hospital de caridade. Eu estava gravemente desidratada e poderia ter morrido. Quando acordei, você tinha ido embora, mas convenci o guarda do estacionamento a me dizer o número do seu carro. Descobri onde você morava e decidi agradecer.”
O reconhecimento surgiu em mim. “Eu me lembro agora. Você estava em péssimo estado. Eu não podia simplesmente te deixar lá.”
A mulher quando foi vista por Jake | Fonte: Midjourney
Claire assentiu, os olhos úmidos. “Sua gentileza me salvou. Meu ex-marido me enganou, me trouxe da Grã-Bretanha para a América, levou tudo e me deixou na rua. Eu não tinha nada nem ninguém a quem recorrer.”
Emma e Lily ouviram atentamente, seus pequenos rostos cheios de preocupação. “Isso é tão triste”, Emma disse, sua voz quase um sussurro.
“Mas por que você está aqui?” perguntei, ainda intrigado.
Homem confuso | Fonte: Pexels
Claire explicou: “Sua ajuda me deu força para continuar. Fui à embaixada e contei minha história. Eles me ajudaram a obter novos documentos e me conectaram a um advogado para lutar pelo meu filho. Consegui um emprego como funcionária dos correios. Mas eu queria retribuir, mostrar minha gratidão. Vi como você parecia cansada quando voltava para casa todos os dias, então decidi ajudá-la com pequenas coisas.”
Fiquei tocado pela história dela. “Claire, eu aprecio o que você fez, mas você não pode simplesmente invadir nossa casa. Não é seguro, e isso me assustou.”
Um homem sério | Fonte: Pexels
Ela assentiu, parecendo envergonhada. “Sinto muito. Não queria te assustar. Só queria ajudar.”
Emma estendeu a mão e tocou a mão de Claire. “Obrigada por fazer panquecas. Elas estavam deliciosas.”
Claire sorriu, com lágrimas nos olhos. “De nada, querida.”
Claire sorri | Fonte: Midjourney
Respirei fundo, sentindo uma mistura de alívio, curiosidade e empatia. “Claire, vamos fazer isso de forma diferente. Chega de entrar escondido, ok? Que tal você se juntar a nós para o café da manhã de vez em quando? Podemos nos conhecer melhor.”
Seu rosto se iluminou com um sorriso esperançoso. “Eu gostaria disso, Jack. Obrigada.”
Um homem sorridente com os braços cruzados | Fonte: Pexels
Passamos o resto da manhã conversando e comendo as panquecas que ela fez. Claire nos contou mais sobre seu filho e seus planos de se reunir com ele. Percebi quanta força e determinação ela tinha.
Quando terminamos o café da manhã, senti uma sensação de novos começos. A gratidão de Claire e nosso apoio mútuo criaram um vínculo. Ela tinha encontrado uma maneira de retribuir minha gentileza e, em troca, eu queria ajudá-la a se reunir com seu filho.
Café da manhã em família | Fonte: Pexels
Emma e Lily pareciam adorá-la já, e eu senti um lampejo de esperança para o futuro. “Este pode ser o começo de algo bom para todos nós”, pensei.
“Obrigada por compartilhar sua história, Claire”, eu disse enquanto limpávamos juntos. “Vamos nos ajudar de agora em diante.”
Ela assentiu, sorrindo. “Eu gostaria muito disso, Jack. Obrigada.”
Uma mulher sorridente | Fonte: Pexels
E assim, um novo capítulo começou para ambas as famílias, cheio de esperança e apoio mútuo.
Leave a Reply