Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
My Granddaughter Kicked Me Out of the Apartment I Gifted Her — So I Gave Her a Reality Check
My granddaughter Emily kicked me out of my apartment, claiming it was hers. Little did she know, her “perfect” fiancé, Tom, had a dark secret that would turn our lives upside down and teach us both a hard lesson about trust and family.
It’s been a tough journey since my son and his wife died in that terrible car crash six years ago. I’ve raised my granddaughter, Emily, since she was 16. Wasn’t a walk in the park, but we managed.
An elderly woman interacting with a teenage girl | Source: Pexels
Last Tuesday, Emily burst into our apartment, beaming. “Grandma! Guess what?”
I looked up from my crossword puzzle. “What’s got you so excited?”
“I’m engaged!” She thrust her hand out, showing off a flashy ring.
I felt my stomach drop. “Engaged? To whom?”
“Tom! We’ve been dating for two months. He’s perfect!”
I set my pen down. “Two months? That’s awfully fast, don’t you think?”
Emily’s smile faded. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
“I’m just concerned. What about your studies?”
A grandmotherly figure reacting with concern | Source: Pexels
She waved her hand dismissively. “College isn’t for me. I’m dropping out.”
“Emily, you can’t be serious. Education is crucial.”
“For what? I’m gonna be married. Tom will take care of me.”
I frowned. “And if something happens? If he leaves?”
“He won’t,” she snapped. “Why are you being so negative?”
I sighed. “I’m just looking out for you, dear.”
“Well, don’t. Oh, and by the way, I need you to move out.”
I blinked, sure I’d misheard. “Move out? Of where?”
“This apartment. It’s mine now.”
A defiant-looking young woman | Source: Pexels
“Emily, I said you’d inherit it after I pass away.”
She shrugged. “Same difference. I need it now.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Where am I supposed to go?”
“Not my problem,” she said, checking her phone.
“Emily, this is ridiculous! You can’t just kick me out!”
She barely looked up from her ever-present phone. “Watch me. I want you gone by tomorrow.”
A young woman looking at her mobile phone | Source: Pexels
I tried reasoning with her, but it was like talking to a brick wall. That night, I barely slept, my mind churning with worry and disbelief.
The next day, Emily literally shoved me out the door. “Time’s up, Grandma. Tom’s moving in tonight.”
Standing in the hallway with a hastily packed bag, I pleaded, ‘Emily, please. Let’s talk about this.’
She rolled her eyes and dismissed me with a curt, “There’s nothing to talk about. Bye.” Then the door slammed shut in my face.
I spent the night in the hallway, still in shock. How could my own granddaughter do this?
A sad-looking elderly woman, deep in thought | Source: Pexels
In the morning, I went to the store and bought a new outfit so I could make myself presentable to see a lawyer. We filed a lawsuit to reclaim my apartment, but I had something else in mind to teach Emily a lesson.
I called my sister, Beatrice, who lived in another town. “Bea? It’s Evelyn. I need a favor.”
“What’s wrong? You sound awful.”
I explained the situation, and Bea was livid. “That ungrateful little… Of course, you can stay here. Get yourself over here, and we’ll figure this out.”
After taking the bus to Bea’s and settling there, I rang up my colorful old friend Fiona. She runs a PI firm.
An elderly woman placing a mobile phone call | Source: Pexels
“Fi, I need your expertise. Can you look into Emily’s fiancé?”
“Sure thing, Ev. What’s his name?”
“Tom. That’s all I know. But I’ve figured out how to find him on social media channels — my granddaughter taught this old dog some new tricks.”
“Text me whatever you have on him and give me a few days. I’ll see what I can dig up.”
“Okay, will do, Fi, thank you,” I replied.
An elderly woman talking on a mobile phone | Source: Pexels
While Fiona investigated, I called the lawyer about my apartment and told him to hold fire on the lawsuit to reclaim it.
“It’s pretty clear-cut,” the lawyer said. “The apartment’s in your name. She has no legal right to it.”
“I just hope it doesn’t come to that. I want to talk sense into her first,” I replied.
Three days later, Fiona called back. “Ev, I’ve got bad news. This Tom character’s a real piece of work.”
A tech-savvy older woman operating a mobile phone | Source: Pexels
“How so?”
“He’s conned at least four wealthy women in the past three years. Left them broke and broken-hearted.”
My blood ran cold. “Are you certain?”
“Absolutely. I’ve got all the evidence right here.”
I thanked her and hung up. Poor Emily had no idea what she was walking into.
The wedding day arrived faster than I expected. I showed up at the venue with Fiona, clutching a folder of evidence.
Emily spotted me and stormed over. “What are you doing here?”
A woman in bridal dress, looking defiant | Source: Pexels
“Trying to stop you from making a huge mistake.”
“You weren’t invited!” she hissed.
I held up the folder. “Emily, Tom’s not who you think he is. He’s after your money.”
Her face paled. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s done this before. Multiple times.”
Emily snatched the folder from my hands and started flipping through it, her hands trembling. “This… this can’t be right.”
Just then, Tom appeared, his face contorted in anger. “Baby, what’s going on?” he demanded.
A man in a suit, gesticulating angrily | Source: Pexels
Emily spun around, her eyes flashing with hurt and anger. “Is this true? Are you just using me?” she demanded, her voice quivering with emotion.
Tom’s smile faltered, his facade cracking. “Of course not. Who told you that nonsense?” he asked, a hint of desperation creeping into his tone.
“It’s all here,” Emily said, her voice shaking as she thrust a document towards him. “Proof of what you’ve done.”
Tom’s eyes darted around the room, panic setting in. Without warning, he bolted for the exit, leaving stunned silence in his wake.
A man in a suit and tie, walking hastily | Source: Pexels
Emily sank into a nearby chair, her body wracked with sobs. As guests started murmuring and filing out, I sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her trembling shoulders. “I’m so sorry, sweetie,” I whispered, feeling utterly helpless.
She looked up at me, mascara streaking down her face. “What do I do now?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
“We’ll figure it out together,” I assured her, squeezing her hand gently.
A downcast bride sitting in a chair | Source: Pexels
***
A few days after I returned to the apartment, Emily called in a panic from work. “Grandma, I’m in deep trouble! The bank just called. Tom maxed out my cards and took out loans in my name. I don’t know what to do. I owe so much.”
I took a deep breath. “You need to face this head-on. Get another job. Sell what you can.”
“But that’ll take forever!” she wailed.
“Sometimes that’s how it goes,” I said firmly. “When you come home this evening we’ll talk this over and figure it out.”
Emily nodded slowly. “You’re right. I’ve been terrible to you. I’m so, so sorry.”
A woman sitting on a chair, holding her head in despair | Source: Pexels
“I forgive you,” I said. “But it’s time to grow up.”
***
Over the next few months, Emily worked herself to the bone. She waited tables and worked retail. She also sold most of her possessions.
We settled back into our usual routine in the apartment. Emily kept working and even started taking some online classes.
“I never realized how hard it is to make money,” she said one day over dinner.
A young woman looking to her left in a kitchen | Source: Pexels
I nodded. “It’s not easy, but it’s rewarding. You’re doing great, Emily.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Grandma. For everything.”
Six months after the wedding-that-wasn’t, we sat on the balcony sharing a pot of tea.
“Grandma?” Emily said. “I never properly thanked you. For everything.”
I patted her hand. “You’re welcome, dear. I’m proud of how you’ve handled things.”
An elderly woman holding the hands of a younger companion | Source: Pexels
She smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without you. I was such a brat before.”
“You were,” I agreed. “But you’ve really turned things around.”
Emily nodded. “I have. And I swear, I’ll never take you for granted again.”
“I know you won’t,” I said. “You’ve learned a valuable lesson.”
“Several, actually,” Emily laughed. “Never trust a guy with a too-perfect smile, always read the fine print, and grandmas know best.”
I chuckled. “That about sums it up.”
An elderly woman smiling gently | Source: Pexels
“Seriously, though,” Emily continued, “I can’t believe how blind I was. Tom seemed so perfect.”
“That’s often how con artists operate,” I explained. “They tell you exactly what you want to hear.”
Emily sighed. “I just feel so stupid.”
“Don’t,” I said firmly. “You’re not the first to fall for someone like that, and you won’t be the last. What matters is how you handle it afterward.”
She nodded. “I guess. It’s just… I had all these dreams, you know? A big wedding, a perfect life. Now I’m working two jobs and taking night classes.”
A young woman looking thoughtfully out of a window | Source: Pexels
“And you’re all the stronger for it,” I pointed out. “You’re building a real future now, not a fantasy.”
Emily smiled. “You’re right. It’s hard, but it feels good. Like I’m actually accomplishing something.”
“You are,” I assured her. “I’m so proud of you, Emily.”
As we watched the sun dip below the horizon, I felt a sense of peace come over me. We’d been through hell and back, but our bond was stronger than ever. Sometimes, tough love is exactly what’s needed.
A sunset over a neighborhood dominated by apartment blocks | Source: Pexels
Emily leaned her head on my shoulder. “I love you, Grandma.”
“I love you too, sweetie,” I replied, wrapping an arm around her.
We sat there in comfortable silence, watching the stars come out. It wasn’t the future either of us had imagined, but it was ours, and we’d face it together.
What would you have done?
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another one about a grandmother who set a marriage deadline for her granddaughter, threatening to exclude her from the will if she didn’t comply.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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