Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
I Booked a $2,000 Rental for a Group Trip, but No One Paid Me Back Their Share of the Cost – They Didn’t Get Away with It
Excitement for their weekend getaway turned into frustration as Sarah’s friends dodged paying their share of the $2,000 cabin rental. Little did they know, she had a plan to make sure they didn’t get away with it.
Every year, my friends and I plan a girls’ weekend getaway. We take turns organizing, and this year, it was miy turn! I was excited to find the perfect spot: a cozy cabin nestled right on a sparkling lake.
We all squealed with delight when I sent the pictures.
A woman using her phone | Source: Pexels
The place looked like it came straight out of a magazine. It had a cozy cabin with a fireplace, stunning views of the lake, and even a hot tub.
The total cost was $2,000 for the three-night stay, which amounted to a very reasonable $250 each for our group of eight.
“Since I went ahead and booked the cabin, I covered the upfront cost,” I told my friends. “But to make things easier, I’d appreciate it if you could all pay me back before the trip. Does that work for everyone?”
A woman sitting in a living room | Source: Midjourney
“Sounds perfect, Sarah!” Mary chimed in first. “Thanks for taking care of that.”
“Absolutely, no problem at all,” echoed Ella.
“Great, that works for me too!” chimed in Brittany.
One by one, everyone around the table agreed.
“Yep, sounds good”
“No worries, I can do that.”
The confirmations rolled in. It seemed everyone was happy to handle their share and promised to pay me before the trip started.
Easy peasy, right?
Wrong.
Close-up of a woman’s face | Source: Midjourney
As the trip approached, the easy peasy turned into oh-so-frustrating.
First, it was Mary. “Hey Sarah,” she chirped, “my car needs new brakes, so I might be a little late on my payment. I’ll get it to you next week.”
A week later, it was Brittany’s turn. “Ugh, student loans are killing me this month. Can I hold off until next payday?”
“I just need to wait until my next paycheck,” Melissa told me.
Weeks went by, and as I reminded them to pay back, they came up with more excuses.
Close-up of a phone in a woman’s hands | Source: Pexels
Each excuse was new and none of them overlapped. It seemed like they were together in this.
Then came the radio silence. Nada. No texts, no calls, nothing from Ella, Dana, or even reliable old Lisa.
By the week before the trip, I was out $2,000 and feeling completely used.
The same people I called my “friends” had indirectly refused to pay me back. The people I trusted the most had suddenly decided to team up against me.
Why were they doing this?
A serious woman | Source: Midjourney
Had I done something wrong? Or was this an attempt to see how I would react to such a tricky situation? I didn’t know what it was, but it was making me super angry.
I knew I had to do something drastic, something that would make them understand I wasn’t a doormat.
As a result, I decided it was time to teach them a lesson they wouldn’t forget. Now, I’m not one for confrontation, but this was ridiculous.
The night before the trip, I took a deep breath and picked up my phone to execute the first step of my plan.
A woman using her phone | Source: Midjourney
I sent a group text, bubbling over with fake excitement. “Can’t wait to see you all at the cabin tomorrow! Gonna be the perfect weekend getaway!”
Little did they know, I had a devious plan brewing
The next morning, I woke up extra early and hopped out of my bed. Throwing on clothes, I raced out the door, eager to transform the cabin into our own little haven.
At the grocery store, I pushed my cart down the aisles.
A grocery cart filled with goods | Source: Pexels
A giddy smile appeared on my face as I filled it with fresh fruit, cheese, and enough snacks to satisfy an army. I even got the best selection of wine and juices. I wanted to make sure my friends were well-fed and taken care of.
After paying for the snacks and drinks, I got back into my car and drove towards the cabin. It was even more beautiful in person, the sunlight glinting off the lake like a million diamonds.
I stocked the fridge with everything that I had bought.
A woman putting something in the fridge | Source: Pexels
I even prepped a bonfire for that night, complete with cozy blankets and marshmallows.
The place looked perfect. I knew my friends would have the best time of their lives here.
But here’s the catch: I took the keys and the garage door opener with me when I left for an “errand.”
Before locking the cabin, I texted all my friends that I was out for an urgent task and would make it there by the time they arrived. They trusted me, just like I did when I asked them to pay me back.
However, they broke my trust, and so did I.
A woman holding a key | Source: Midjourney
If they wanted to have a good time in the cabin, they had to follow my rules. They had to earn their weekend getaway.
I wasn’t going to let them have a good time when all they did was ignore my texts and calls.
By lunchtime, my phone started blowing up. Frantic texts and calls poured in from my friends.
“Hey, Sarah, we’re here at the cabin, but the doors are locked!” Ella said.
“Did you forget something?” Mary asked.
A woman holding her phone | Source: Pexels
I kept my cool, replying with a simple, “Oh no! So sorry, guys. Must have left the keys at home. But hey, the good news is I’m on my way back now!”
Was I on my way back? No!
I was sitting at a nearby cafe, sipping on my favorite iced latte. I enjoyed reading their texts as they reached the cabin one after the other.
After I sent the last message, the frequency of their texts dropped. They felt relieved I was on my way back, but the truth was entirely different.
A woman in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
As their short-lived relief faded, they started calling and texting me again. This time, their messages were way more desperate. Some of my friends were angry, while others were struggling not to lose their temper.
“How can you be so forgetful, Sarah?” Lisa asked.
“I can’t believe you’re making us all wait like this!” Dana said. “I thought this was supposed to be a fun trip.”
Finally, I decided to drop the bomb.
A woman looking outside a window in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
I sent a calm message: “Look, I’ll be happy to come back and let you all in, but only once everyone has sent over their share of the rental cost.”
Silence.
Then, a flurry of activity.
Apparently, the prospect of a luxurious weekend getaway suddenly trumped car troubles, student loans, and all the other excuses they’d cooked up.
My phone buzzed with Venmo, PayPal, and Zelle notifications as payments started rolling in.
Within an hour, every penny was accounted for.
Close-up shot of a phone | Source: Pexels
“You guys could have done this before!” I said to myself before grabbing the keys and heading back to the cabin.
Their eyes lit up as soon as they saw my car. Some walked toward me, others to the door.
“Sarah! Finally!” Mary exclaimed, relief evident in her voice.
I stepped out of the car, keys in hand. “Oh, so now I’m ‘finally’ here? How convenient,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
The group fell silent, guilt spreading across their faces.
A serious woman | Source: Pexels
“Look, I’m sorry,” Brittany started. “But you have to understand, I really—”
I cut her off. “No, Brittany. You all made excuses. I trusted you, and you took advantage of that.”
Lisa stepped forward, trying to mediate. “Sarah, we messed up. But can’t we just put this behind us and enjoy the weekend?”
“Enjoy the weekend?” I scoffed. “After you all made me feel like a fool? After I had to practically blackmail you to get my money back?”
“We didn’t mean to hurt you,” Ella said softly. “We just didn’t realize—”
A woman speaking to her friend | Source: Midjourney
“Didn’t realize what? That $2,000 is a lot of money? That friendships are built on trust and respect?”
A tense silence fell over the group. For a moment, I thought confronting them was a bad idea. I thought they’d say they didn’t want to be there anymore.
I stood my ground despite the fear, letting the weight of my words sink in.
Finally, Mary broke the silence. She wrapped me in a giant hug.
“Sarah, I’m so sorry about the car thing. You were totally right to be mad.”
Brittany chimed in, “Yeah, me too. I’m sorry. We’re all sorry.”
A group of friends hugging | Source: Pexels
They all finally realized what they had done.
I took a deep breath, looking at each of them. “I’m glad you understand now. But remember, respect is a two-way street.”
We may not be planning any luxury cabin getaways anytime soon, but at least we’ll be doing it with a renewed sense of understanding and responsibility.
This whole experience definitely made for a memorable story, even if it wasn’t exactly the relaxing weekend I’d planned.
But hey, sometimes the best lessons come wrapped in a little frustration and a whole lot of determination.
What do you think?
A lakeside cabin | Source: Pexels
Here’s another story you might like: Eight hundred dollars plus. That’s what Jack’s “boys’ night out” bill came to, and he expected his wife, Lora, to foot it. Waitress Melanie, witnessing Lora’s despair, concocted a bold move to ensure Jack’s night didn’t end as he planned.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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